Sunday, February 24, 2013

My Last Will And Testament: Volume 1

I, Bannen, being of sound mind and body, declare this to be a portion of my last will and testament.

First off, I'm not dying - at least not of disease or whatever.  That being said, I feel like I need to put something on record regarding my final wishes, and this first one is quite possibly the most important.  Please take note:


I don't know what is with this phenomenon, but it seems to be one that's on the rise, and I don't like it.  Now, if you're someone who feels the need to remember a lost loved on by placing a window decal on your car, so be it.  For me, however, I don't get it.  A death in the family, or among friends, is a fairly personal affair, and it makes no sense to advertise a person's passing in a manner that places it next to Calvin pissing on Osama Bin Laden's head or a half-destroyed NO FEAR sticker.

I don't know the person you're giving tribute to.  I'm willing to bet 99% of the traffic passing by doesn't either - unless your parked at a family reunion picnic.  Yeah, death is sad and my sympathies for the loss, but a window cling?  Really?  Why does everything have to be so public and in-your-face nowadays?  Do you need to let everyone you drive by know this person is gone?  Do you need them to know that you are missing someone dear to you?  Does the departed soul really want their lasting legacy on this earth to be their name immortalized on the back of a PT Cruiser surrounding the image of a giant trout?  The Memorial Window Cling is, to me, akin to a memorial Facebook page ran through the filter of a Spencer's Gifts store - and I want no part of it.

If anything, I think I should be cremated, and my sacred ashes blended with the finest Asian inks, so that I may be tattoo'd into any number of bodies - bodies that I will assume control of once the incantation is complete.  Soon I shall rise again, not as but one, but as many...a seething army that no nation can stop!

That is my last will and testament.  For now.

105 Years?  He really hung in there, didn't he?

* - From the late

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